I'M sitting here at in my computer, out here in my DOG HOUSE, listening to a CD of CAT STEVENS; the song in particular FATHER AND SON, makes me think of my own relationship with my son CHARLIE. I won't call him CHARLIE/FRED anymore. That's just something that's kind of an inside joke, not really a joke but rather something which happened that I know he's ready to forget. And I told the kids, I'D stop teasing and disrupting favorite TV shows by talking to the TV, stuff like that. So, whatever it was, I wrote I'M not gonna do anymore, well I'M not gonna do it. But, that's left, what I wanted to write about here, was that I remember, it wasn't long after my brain injury when I treated CHARLIE like I didn't love him anymore. What a rotten thing to do to a kid barely seven, which just had his father practically killed, actually really killed for all that matters. If my DAD had said the kinds of things I'VE said to CHARLIE, I don't know if I'D feel any different than the way CHARLIE'S felt for the last seven years. I can't make up for what I'VE done other than to just stop the bad treatment, because, I DO LOVE him so much. And I want to say many of the words said in that song to CHARLIE. Especially as he gets older. I can't really say anything but I'M SORRY. However, I know he's getting sick of hearing that. However, I don't know what else to do. Oh yeah, I also wanted to write this; Like it says in the song something about the father having to go away. Well, that reminded me of when, probably because I couldn't seem to be able to treat CHARLIE like he should be treated like a gift from GOD which he is, I had to go away, live somewhere else in some apartments. That was the worst part of all of my rehabilitation. Oh we all said it was so I could be by myself. Try to live on my own to see if I could be independent, that kind of thing, but, I know as well as anybody else the whole reason, I went away was just really to give CHARLIE a break from me. You know a DAD who couldn't be a DAD. I did however, enjoy staying in the apartments. Except I hated it at the same time, not being near my family. That's got to be the worst aspect of this whole rehabilitation thing. At least when I spend all day out here in my DOGHOUSE now, nobody's usually home. And it's my idea, plus I write little essays like this one. And I have some peace and quiet, so I can reflect on the things I'VE done in the past and maybe dream about the things I want to do in the future, like drive again.